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Parent Forum

Stories form parents who've been
"Plan for the Unexpected!"

Last year, Marie Montclair*, her husband, their one-year-old twin sons and seven-year-old cat moved from New Jersey to the Chicago suburbs. What went right—and wrong? Marie's moving tales and moving advice:

"What would I do differently? Plan for the unexpected! Three days before our move, I was called out of town for an emergency business meeting. I got home at 6 P.M.—with the movers due at 8 the next morning! I stayed up all night to finish packing."

"What did we do right? We didn't pack the twins' playpens, favorite toys, pajamas, blankets—things they were attached to. On moving day, I handled the movers and my husband focused only on the boys. We drove to Chicago in two cars—me with the twins and my husband with our cat."

"When the furniture arrived at the new house, the first things we set up were the cribs. We arranged the room as close to the old room as possible—even hanging the pictures in the same places on the walls. The room felt very familiar and the twins adjusted fine."

"The cat had the hardest time with the move. He was petrified the entire drive to Illinois. In the new house we kept him in one room, with familiar things like his bed. It wasn't long before he was exploring all over the house."

*Name changed.

Tips :
• Allow an extra week for packing.
• With toddlers, keep things and routines familiar.
• Set up a toddler's new room similar to the old one.
• If appropriate, confine a cat to one room in the new home to help it adjust

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"It Helps to Know the Place Where You're Moving"

Kitty Wright*, her 6-year-old daughter and 10-year-old son moved mid-school year from urban New York to rural North Carolina. Her oldest, a junior in high school, stayed behind. Kitty's moving tales and moving advice:

"I put my house up for sale in December and it sold in two weeks! By mid-February, we were on our way to North Carolina."

"My oldest, a junior, didn't want to leave her friends or the high school where she'd always gone. We talked a lot before deciding she could live with my mother. Saying good-bye to her made the move harder for all of us. It's something to think about when one child stays behind. But she did great in school, so I think it was the right decision."

"Before moving, we spent time in our new community, which helped the younger children become familiar with it. We visited their school and met the principal and teachers. They enrolled in the after-school program, which was a good way for them to make friends once we moved."

"My son took karate and didn't want to give that up. I wasn't sure how to find a program in our new community, so I asked his karate school for help. They found one right away."

"I also let both kids help choose new bedroom furniture and set up their rooms, to have their own space in the new house. And we've focused on the things they can do in the new neighborhood, like walk in the woods and have a dog. There's a dairy farm next to the school, and one day my son reported there were cows in the schoolyard. You won't find that in the city!"

*Name and some details changed.

Tips :

• Visit the new community and school before you move.
• If it feels right, let an older teen stay behind to finish school.
• Use after-school activities to help kids make friends.
• Use contacts in the old community to help you find similar programs in the new one.     

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"We Made Five Moves in Ten Years!"

Her husband's job took Vicki Butcher and their two daughters from Oklahoma City to Kansas City (twice) to Fort Lauderdale (twice) and then to Dallas. Her oldest was entering third grade on the first move—her senior year of high school on the last. Vicki's moving tales and moving advice:

"With so many moves, you get good at predicting some things: I could tell the movers it would take 188 boxes to pack up the house, and it did!"

"But with children, every move is different. As my girls got older, moving got harder. In their elementary years, I volunteered a lot at school. It meant I was there for reassurance. It also gave me a chance to get to know the principal, teachers and kids they were meeting, and I made friends too."

"The most difficult move was our last one. My husband's office was being relocated and it was confidential. We didn't tell my oldest daughter, a junior, about the move because it was supposed to be a secret. But the word got out—and she found out from someone else. She was very angry and rebellious for a time after that. It would have been much easier for all of us if we had told her up front."

"We discussed having her stay behind, but we had no family in Fort Lauderdale so in the end we felt it was best that she move too. She loved art, so we found a high school with an excellent art department. We arranged for her to meet the art teacher before school began, and he became a great source of encouragement and a friend."

Tips :
• Keep your kids in the loop on important move information.
• Find activities in the new locale that build on your children's interests.
• Visit the new school when it's in session, so the building doesn't seem as cavernous and your kids see students who are like them.
• Volunteer at school to be a reassuring presence for younger children.

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